ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (thank you David Bowie)

So tonight I cried. Not for very long, and not as hard as I wanted to or felt I needed to, but I cried. The reality of the changes that are occurring in my life finally caught up with me. And though it’s for the best, there’s still no denying the fact that change is hard and really just basically stinks.

I have had more fun and made more memories in the last 2 years than I could have ever hoped for. I’m so grateful for the experience I’ve gained in the last couple years and the friends that have blessed my life. As I sat with friends tonight and reminisced about the things we’ve done together, I couldn’t help but love my life. It’s been a blast. And yet, sitting there and talking about those good times made me realize just how hard it can be to find good friends. And not just good friends, but lasting.

I cannot wait to see what happens for those that I love over the next couple months and years. I have such confidence in the potential they have for goodness and greatness.

And though nothing big has changed in my life specifically, the little changes that are occurring all around me have resulted in a shaking of my entire being. As the world around me changes and the friends I’ve grown so accustomed to having near me are going away, I feel as though a part of me is dying. And even though I know that it’s necessary for the progression of us all to let go of the constant interactions and be grateful for the past and that it’s a healthy, natural part of what life’s all about, it doesn’t necessarily make the separation less sad or difficult or full of missing.

I think semesters are great because they allow us to evaluate the past and look forward to a new and hopefully brighter future on a frequent basis. But sometimes things end before you’d like them to.

The goodbyes of the past few days were some of the hardest words I’ve heard in a long time. Not because they were empty or shallow, but because so many things will change from now until the next time I can see my friends. Hopefully for the good, but it will still be different. But I really do feel like it’s an end and a beginning, a turning point where we can remember well the past but recognize how we can move on and the Lord will bless us with treasures greater and more amazing than we could ever conjure up ourselves.

spooning

favorite find of the day

drum roll please...

JAKE AND NICOLE ARE ENGAGED!

And this is how I feel about it:

"You are a toxic staff."

Not the comment I was expecting when I headed to a faculty meeting yesterday. I was surprised as I sat and listened to my principal explain the reputation we have throughout the district as a school that is negative and complains constantly.

I racked my brain trying to figure out the things I've done to contribute to the poor attitudes at my school, and to be honest, I don't think I really fall into the problem category, a) because I didn't realize it was a problem, and b) I kind of isolate myself/allow myself to be isolated because I'm on the special ed side of things. But still, it got me thinking. How does my attitude really affect those around me? Am I toxic when it comes to my interactions with others?

That led me to think about Elder Holland's talk from this last conference. Though I may not be the core of the problem at my school, I definitely can improve my personal positiveness and infuse my conversations with more encouraging words. I love the quote Elder Holland shared from Orson F. Whitney: "The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience." Hmm. Definitely something to work on.

Who loves you the most?

leafy greens

Whenever I drive back from Boise, there's a clearing just past Sweetzer Summit where a lone tree stands. Every time I drive by it, I try to get a picture but it's usually not effective at 85 mph through a window. Someday I'm going to stop to get it for reals.

...and so it begins

Seeing as this is my first post, I feel I should have something profound or poignant or simply good to say. Well, sorry to disappoint. I guess it could be considered empowering or liberating, finally getting your musings out into the internet world we know and love, but mostly it makes me feel more isolated. Go figure. Regardless, I think I'm going to like this succession of busy nothings if for no other reason than my own perusal. So here she be--post primo.