So tonight I cried. Not for very long, and not as hard as I wanted to or felt I needed to, but I cried. The reality of the changes that are occurring in my life finally caught up with me. And though it’s for the best, there’s still no denying the fact that change is hard and really just basically stinks.
I have had more fun and made more memories in the last 2 years than I could have ever hoped for. I’m so grateful for the experience I’ve gained in the last couple years and the friends that have blessed my life. As I sat with friends tonight and reminisced about the things we’ve done together, I couldn’t help but love my life. It’s been a blast. And yet, sitting there and talking about those good times made me realize just how hard it can be to find good friends. And not just good friends, but lasting.
I cannot wait to see what happens for those that I love over the next couple months and years. I have such confidence in the potential they have for goodness and greatness.
And though nothing big has changed in my life specifically, the little changes that are occurring all around me have resulted in a shaking of my entire being. As the world around me changes and the friends I’ve grown so accustomed to having near me are going away, I feel as though a part of me is dying. And even though I know that it’s necessary for the progression of us all to let go of the constant interactions and be grateful for the past and that it’s a healthy, natural part of what life’s all about, it doesn’t necessarily make the separation less sad or difficult or full of missing.
I think semesters are great because they allow us to evaluate the past and look forward to a new and hopefully brighter future on a frequent basis. But sometimes things end before you’d like them to.
The goodbyes of the past few days were some of the hardest words I’ve heard in a long time. Not because they were empty or shallow, but because so many things will change from now until the next time I can see my friends. Hopefully for the good, but it will still be different. But I really do feel like it’s an end and a beginning, a turning point where we can remember well the past but recognize how we can move on and the Lord will bless us with treasures greater and more amazing than we could ever conjure up ourselves.
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2 comments:
words do not sufficiently express the love that i have for you.
I have to agree with xaque. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that your words brought me to tears.
Often things in my life end before I am ready for them to...
I miss you Steph. I miss our all night chats, our random trips to national parks (I'm still sorry to your dad about that one...) I miss finding little nice notes from you all over the apartment, and I don't know how I would have survived the last 10 months without you.
I think of you everytime i pass Sonic, or a little yellow "short bus," or a "slow chilren at play" sign. I think of you when I look at the poor exhausted Sec. in RS, or go to Costco and see a "hot boy," or eat quacamole at 1am, or take a picture while driving 85mph, or while texting someone sitting in the same room.
Even though I am 3,000 miles away,I can still honestly side with Ethan on "who's my favorite."
I think of you often and love you despite the distance.
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